Five Quirky Portfolios for an April’s Fool

In the spirit of the first day of April, I’ve compiled five theme-based portfolios. It should go without saying that this is for fun rather than any sort of recommendation.

The Consumerism Portfolio

Company Ticker
Tiffany and Company TIF
Coach COH
Macy’s M
American Express AMEX
Bank of America BAC
Citigroup C
Advance America AEA

The strategy of this portfolio is to benefit from uncontrolled spending with the likes of Tiffany and Macy’s, and to help finance them with poor lending and payday loans.

Portfolio of Life and Death

Company Ticker
Altria MO
Phillip Morris International PM
McDonald’s MCD
Yum Brands YUM
The Coca Cola Company KO
Johnson and Johnson JNJ
Becton Dickinson BDX
Abbott Laboratories ABT
Hillenbrand HI

The strategy of this portfolio is to profit from unhealthy choices, and then profit by providing them medical attention to address the consequences. And finally, one profits from their demise with Hillenbrand, holding company of Batesville Casket Company.

The Casino Portfolio

Company Ticker
MGM Resorts MGM
Las Vegas Sands LVS
Wynn Resorts WYNN
National Beverage Corp FIZZ
Limited Brands LTD
Garmin GRMN

Add a little spice to your life with the casino portfolio. The first half is about owning casino stocks. By why just watch when you can play? So the second half is about owning companies that pay irregular special dividends. You never know what you’re going to get.

The Survivalist Portfolio

Company Ticker
Olin Corporation OLN
Smith and Wesson SWHC
Exxon Mobil XOM
Chevron CVX
Smucker’s SJM
SDPR Gold Trust GLD
iShares Silver Trust SLV

Load up on guns, food, oil, and gold for when it comes.

The Cult Portfolio

Company Ticker
Apple AAPL
Microsoft MSFT
Baidu BIDU
Netflix NFLX
Berkshire Hathaway BRK.B

Some companies attract not only committed customers, but committed shareholders. Have you ever seen a Microsoft shareholder and Apple shareholder get into an argument about which is better? Or here’s a good one: tell an Apple shareholder that Apple should pay a dividend with its $60 billion warchest. And then there’s Buffett, the man who can personally bail out General Electric and Goldman Sachs based not just on his capital, but on his name and seal of approval.

I am long KO, JNJ, BDX, ABT, XOM, CVX, and SJM.



  1. cheesepep says:

    hehe, I like this fun type of portfolio. For the sake of completeness, can you follow these imaginary portfolios every 3-4 months and then post an update of how well each has done? Maybe pretend you have 100 shares of every company.

  2. Fun post:) My favourite is the cynical portfolio of life and death

  3. I LOVE the gambling portfolio I think we should set you up to be a fund manager

  4. Following the performance of the portfolios might be interesting.

    I think the portfolio of life and death is the strongest over the long term. The survivalist and cult portfolios might do ok.

  5. Great post! I love it.

    I really love the SWHC holding in the Survivalist Portfolio. You can stock up on all the gold and food you want, but you gotta have a gun to protect all of it!! That’s the apocalypse portfolio!

  6. This is an awesome post. Very creative. I too think that the Life and Death Portfolio is the best for the long haul. Overall though, each has some very high quality stock picks.

  7. Cool post :)

  8. Heh, those are some interesting portfolios. It’d be amazing to see how these portfolios hold up over time. Not a bad way to celebrate April 1st.

  9. ha, I love “The Casino Portfolio”. Great post! I love the last line, “…irregular special dividends. You never know what you’re going to get. ” :)


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